Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.