I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
My breasts were aching with rage.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor