I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
She bit a glass in half.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring