I think my fart just growled at me.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
