so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
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