Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
