I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
