Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
