My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
