i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
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