Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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