He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
