just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
