I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
