At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
