Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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