WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Just invented taco cereal.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
