shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
