i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize