I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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