I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
