I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
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there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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