the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
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