I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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