I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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