I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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