he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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