i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
