I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
