My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
