My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
