I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
