I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
