I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
3pm strippers are depressing
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
