Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
