I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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