Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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