a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
just come out here and I will go home with you...
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
