i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
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