I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
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