So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
