He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
