I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
