I like my sex mixed with concussions.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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