I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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