i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
