i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I wear drunk well.
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