He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
