I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I wish you could order shots online.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
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But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
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I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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