yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
