could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
