i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
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Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
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Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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