so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
