You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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