Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
