ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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