Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
