My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
