and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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