so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I wish they made helmets for livers.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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