Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
