My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize