david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
i wish my penis had a tongue
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
