Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
