she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
