Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
