my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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